Take A Walk With Me
Fading Away
I’m walking through a dark street every house is a dim shadow of what light there use to be.
As you hack away at the person I once was
The lights shine bright the distance behind as the fog begins to roll over my eyes.
What have I become?
My love for you has always been my demise.
My weakness in this life.
I’ve walked miles with tears in my eyes and the fear still sits in the back of my mind.
Never truly good enough to sit by your side.
My heart breaking to nothing more and more each time.
Am I just a pawn in this game you’ve chosen to play?
Or am I the board to be walked upon only to be put away at the end of the day?
I keep on walking in hopes a light still remains.
Each stop i am presented the choice to stay or go.
Standing in the dark empty streets of my own mind it always seems to be the same.
My feet move me to you once again.
Depression
Imagine your in the ocean...
You can swim but just barely, Dark, Cold Waters surround you
In the distance, You are surrounded by brightly lit shorelines with Large houses made of glass Windows showing you the smiling faces of all the people you love.
So close but so far.
As you doggy paddle to keep your head above water you search for the strength to make it to one of those brightly lit shorelines to the people that care.
Every once in awhile the dark water’s current brings you to a rock.
Mellowing the waters around you Giving you a break and some time to breathe.
But.. it never last long, A storm comes whipping you off that rock back in to the dark waters
Fighting to catch your breath literally fighting for your life only to be dragged under water sharks circling below, begging for the strength to hold on.
Because you know just like always...
The storm stops as suddenly as it started and your back to doggy paddling to keep your head above water staring at those bright lit shorelines.
​
For some people their arms give way and they sink down to the circling sharks (suicide), For others they live happily on that rock feeling forever numb (medicine), For very few they get lucky and one of those shorelines turns into a light house(love), and for most of us we doggy paddle day after day barley keeping our head above water hoping for the strength to hold on and maybe we'll be strong enough for one of one of the above.
​
A light house could be a best friend, a lover, a stranger on the street. Everyday is a struggle to stay above water.
So Don't be mean.
She Is....
“Hey"
​
"How r u?”
The text comes about once a day.
It is my favorite.
From the crazy little Blonde (Blue. Green, Red, Black, whatever color it is these days) girl.
Thee girl who was going to beat up the world and every boy in it.
To the grown ass woman that has absorbed the world into her soul.
The Ups The Downs, The What The Fucks and Oh My Gods, The Who am I's and I am everything……
I’ve watched this woman grow into someone who will honestly change the world with her heart, anger, soul, and words.
Into the woman that walks into the room without a word but can turn the blackest night bright with a simple sentence.
Into the woman who not only questions but contemplates why she is questioning.
Her thoughts and influence will move even the hardest of broken people into believing that everything is going to be okay.
Even if it’s burning her up day by day.
The thoughts of her own mind burning a hole in space and time.
Her actions forming black holes within her own soul.
She is the Sun.
She is the Moon.
The universe gravitating around her yet never to close.
The rays of nutritions spreading and healing anyone in her presence.
She has saved me as I have her.
No matter the distance or points of life she will forever be a part of my Mine.
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When you read this my love. Remember I love you and you are in control of your world. You are the sun and the Moon even when you’re the saddest girl in the world; you are never alone.
Lost Girl
Round and round we go…..
Where will I end up?
Who the fuck knows?
High as the sky; let the smoke blow.
It’s now or never; stay or leave
It's Time
It’s time to let go of the what if and could have beens.
It’s time to grow up and be the woman I know I can.
It’s time to be smart about the next step I am going to make.
It’s time to clear my head alone.
It’s time to see who really wants to be apart of my life and who just wants to use me and just party with me.
It’s time to let that party die.
It’s time to shine with the life I deserve to live.
So it’s time show myself that I am stronger than the pain of what ifs and what could’ve beens.
Songs & Words
I’ve been waiting for the moment to put into words on how i felt when you left this world?
I’ve sat at a notebook with a pen in hand and just could not explain
Now here I am.
The envy, the fear, the even more open ear…
you are gone.
I felt you leave even if no one believes
I’m sad for no good byes but grateful for the so many hellos.
I hear the whispered convos of whys and how come.
My secret thoughts of why nots
I miss you and the music you strummed to make a smile on any face.
It’s like the words I use.
I hope the pain I feel everyday has left you.
I truly do
I hope you have found your place.
Freedom of the mind is hard to find.
Yet, I fear death isn’t always the answer not matter how much I try.
laying in wonder
As I lay next to you wondering how it all changed knowing you will once again walk away.
I know that I’ll be okay because as I lay next to you it is not your face,
it’s not your touch,
or smell that I crave.
This feeling though of knowing that not only you are gone but that new man who washed you away is as well is gone buries my heart deeper into its cave.
I sit and wonder if I’ll ever be the same.
Your Smile
It’s like a Ray of sun shine peaking through the clouds.
The rain of the storm still pours down all around me.
You asked me why but can't you see?
The answer is simple,
To see that smile cross your face clears the clouds in this dark place,
that is my mind,
even just for awhile.
Society
I hate doing things that require being in adult situations for long periods of time
I get such bad anxiety. No one Taught how to deal with these situations.
I’m sitting in this law office and all I imagine,
Pretending to be cold because I'm shaking so bad
trying not to cry, I imagine burning the place to the ground.
Shaking the dark thought out of My Mind I Decide to go out to smoke a cigarette while waiting for them to get paperwork together to fill out.
They Judge me and tell Me I shouldn’t smoke.
Fuck you.
I honestly gave up on this shit a year ago. I don't need the money bad enough to suffer the sharks swimming around hoping for a slice.
I’m only here because you want to get paid.
I want to say a big fuck you to the people who have millions that hurt me with the phrase
"It's Your Fault".
After Lawyers it's the bank after this...
Not to mention The 9 hours of work tonight to put a roof over my head and food in my tummy.
But Millions and government Owned
But,
"It's My Fault"
Black & White
Smile through the pain,
Dance through the Rain,
Laugh during the silence
Life will continue...
With or Without you.
Live as if there is no Tomorrow,
Die as if you’ve lived forever.
The Light will always create Darkness.
You'll never know hate without Love.
Because the Truth is Death can only exist
With a life.